Yooooooo! It's your boy Perspicacious P aka White Ghost aka Positive P da BO$$ aka Middle Aged Thunderclapper.
Well, Three tha Hard Way has now turned into an exceptional podcast, but did you know it started as a blog? We used to write articles and everything! Well, today I am going to bring it back to its post-analog roots.
Every year, I read 25 books I haven't read and watch 50 movies I haven't seen. I have to do this otherwise I would just fuck around on 4Chan all day, and that's not good for anyone.
This is what happens when you have nothing to live for.
ANYWAY, this is going to be three or four parts. All reviews are 140 characters or less. Today we'll do 25 movies. Away we go:
1. The Surrogacy Trap: Lifetime movie that preyed on mothers' fears. I saw the crazy lady on an episode of Psych in December, completing the circle of life.
2. Zero Dark Thirty: This seems to have receded a bit from public consciousness, but it was damn good. Jessica Chastian with a great performance.
3. Django Unchained: A little too subtle for my taste.
4. Defiance: Slept-on movie about Polish Jews surviving in the forest during World War II. I'm surprised it wasn't more talked about when it came out.
5. Looper: Time travel fight! JGL is one of the best actors in Hollywood, act like you know.
6. End of Watch: Great cop movie with Donnie Darko and Michael Pena. The end was over-the-top, but I suppose that's life as a cop to an extent.
7. Dredd: This was actually a fun movie to watch. Ridiculously violent with dubious moral overtones, but Spock played Dredd!
8. Snitch: The Rock taking on a drama and doing OK! Still, it was weird to see him get beaten up since he's always the biggest guy in the scene.
9. Olympus Has Fallen: One of two "White House Gets Attacked" movies, but this one didn't have Jamie Foxx. Decent action flick but I am dumber for watching it.
10. G.I. Joe: Retaliation: I am definitely dumber for watching this. I literally have no recollection of any details of the movie, except Channing Tatum dies.
11. The French Connection: A classic cop movie that showed how shitty New York was in the 70s (garbage burning in the streets, etc). Gene Hackman stole the show.
12. Never Back Down: Coming-of-age story that is like the Karate Kid but with MMA. Djimon Hounsou is great even in this cheesy shit. Fun movie.
13. Oblivion: Sneaky good sci-fi movie with two gorgeous actresses. I still really enjoy watching Tom Cruise. Andrea Riseborough please marry me.
14. Pain and Gain: Marky Mark + the Rock + Michael Bay = a movie that was a little too intellectual for me.
15. 42: This was a bit of a dud in a lot of people's eyes, but Harrison Ford did a great job as Branch Rickey. Or maybe it was just the fake nose.
16. Iron Man 3: I actually biked to a drive-in and watched part of this, but didn't get any sound. Still, first time I went to a drive-in! Didn't make out with anyone though.
17. The Croods: Basically a modern take on the Flintstones, just with fewer bowling scenes and no cars without floors. So yeah, it was pretty good.
18. 6Fast6Furious: MOVIE OF THE YEAR RIP PAUL WALKER
19. Star Trek into Darkness: I loved the first JJ Abrams Star Trek but was disappointed here. It felt flat and lacked the energy of the first one. Dredd played Spock!
20. The Wild One: Early Brando B-movie and corny as fuck. This is why I don't watch films that were made before 1980.
21. This Is the End: Decent, if overrated comedy. Still, I can't hate on anything with James Franco.
22. World War Z: I don't like the zombie thing at all, and this was much-maligned, but I really enjoyed it. Maybe I'm just a contrarian?
23. Battleship: Rhianna had the best line of the movie: "MAHALO MOTHERF" but couldn't finish it to keep it PG-13. This was funnier than Anchorman 2.
24. Identity Thief: Zany physical comedy with Melissa McCarthy. Didn't hate it, but not nearly as good as The Heat.
25. The Heat: The best comedy of 2014. Melissa McCarthy is a comedic force. Great chemistry with Sandra Bullock. I hope they make a sequel.
There's Part 1. Please enjoy in moderation.