Boring books, good movies. The 25/50 Saga Continues

YO YO YO YO YO everybody. This is your boy, Perpicacious P aka the Vanilla Thrilla aka the Philosoraptor aka The White Falcon. It’s been awhile since I last spit hot fiyah, and I apologize, but I got stuck on a super shitty book and hadn’t been to the movies for a minute because I am god damn cheap. But that was the old me. Now I’m back and ready to go. Let’s move on to our first review:

BOOKS

The Moviegoer – (Book 8 of 25)

My review: Fucking sucked.

That is all, next item!

Just kidding! You know I’m hella long-winded.

The review is particularly verbose so feel free to skip. I will say that if you enjoy cuss words and mailed-in writing, you will enjoy the review:

Thank Based God that is over with. Based God damn that book was tough. I had to fight like a motherfucker to get through it. It reminded me of all those shitty novels I had to read in high school but never did. This book did not hold my interest in any way. One of my biggest character flaws is sticking with things too long, not knowing when to let go. I think most people, when presented with a book this boring, would simply stop reading it. But not me dear reader. I suffer so you don’t have to. Despite the book only being 200 pages, it felt like 1000 and took two weeks to finish. I resented it. When I got home after work, I wouldn’t watch movies or play video games because I knew those would distract me from finishing this Based God-damned book.

I will say that the author, Walker Percy, had a great command of the English language. Some of his writing was beautiful, but the story itself is interminable. There are tons of references to pop culture from the late-50s and early 60s, mostly involving movie stars (obviously). Since I have never seen a movie made before 1980, these references were completely lost on me. The novel is set in New Orleans and is very Southern, so I missed a lot of the cultural context, since I’m a Yankee and all.

A lot of the book is dialogue between characters, but the tone is so detached and cool and ironic that they often didn’t seem like conversations, but rather two people responding to each other apropos of nothing. Something like:

Me: Oh hey Matty, how about those Mets, LOL?

Matty: Never never will I understand men who throw over everything for some woman. The trick, the joy of it, is to prosper on all fronts, enlist money in the service of love and love in the service of money. As long as I am getting rich I feel that all is well. It is my Presbyterian blood.

Me: LOLWUT?

The nice writing interspersed with laborious fluff is kind of how I look at jazz music. Every once in awhile you come across a great solo or piece of transcendent music, but you have to sit through a lot of self-indulgent playing to get to it.

Kind of like my writing on this blog?!??!

The Golden Compass (Book 9 of 10)

I must say I did not enjoy reading this much at all. A fellow blogger said he dug these and that it has a Hunger Games-vibe. I see the comparison to some extent, in that it’s a young person fighting what seems like insurmountable odds in a hostile world. But overall there was too much about magic talking animals and shit. I liked The Hunger Games trilogy because it was so raw, there was no fairy dust or magic or any of that shit. Just Katniss Everdeen, stone cold killer, holding down the block. As soon as this book got into talking bears I was out. Fuck talking bears, fuck magic animals and fuck instruments made of gold. I want that real gangsta shit.

MOVIES

John Carter (Movie 13 of 50)

Here’s my review on John Carter:

The guy from Friday Night Lights fights on Mars alongside a hot chick and some aliens and it was amazingly mediocre.  

Jeff, Who Lives at Home (Movie 14 of 50)

This is from the Duplass brothers, who are associated with ‘mumblecore’, which are movies with hella naturalistic dialogue, meandering plots and miniscule budgets. I actually saw what is considered the first mumblecore movie, Funny Ha Ha when it was released in 2005, which makes me WAY MORE FRESHER THAN YOU. I AM ON TOP OF TRENDS!!!11!!

Obviously this movie had a bit more money with Jason Siegel, Ed Helms and Susan Sarandon starring, but the mumblecore elements were still in effect. The movie meandered and was largely absurd in a subtle way. Ed Helms annoys the hell out of me and there’s no way a douche like his character would have gotten with my homegirl Judy Greer. But hey, they’re movies, not documentaries.

I still liked it, although I am in no hurry to see it again. The message is something about family and love and blah blah blah. It probably made more than John Carter even though it had a budget that was equal to a day’s work for a busker on the Barcelona Metro.

You like my worldly reference? SEE HOW WELL-TRAVELED I AM?!?

21 Jump Street (Movie 15 of 50)

I have to be honest, I freaking loved this movie. I hadn’t laughed this hard in a movie theater since Superbad. Now, it’s not as good as Superbad, but what both experiences had in common was that the audience was really into it, and that created a group mob mentality of laughter. I saw Superbad in a theater filled with a bunch of southern frat boys and their over-the-top reactions heightened my own, making the movie 20 percent funnier than if I saw it alone.

Yes, I go to the movies alone. Because I have no friends.  

ANYWAY, this was a similar experience. There were moments I was laughing so much that my head was in a lot of pain and it actually hurt to continue laughing and made it hard to breathe. It was awesome. There is one particularly ill sequence where Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are tripping on drugs and it made it seem like drugs were the most awesomest thing ever. I was LOLing like a motherfucker.

I love Jonah Hill, and he killed it as always, but Tatum was surprisingly funny. The guy has some comedy chops and could be a good straight man in the funny pictures. The door was open for a sequel and I sincerely hope they walk through that door.

Count me as one of the many who would like to see 22 Jump Street.

The Hunger Games (Movie 16 of 50)

I thought the trailer was so ill that I went out and bought the books immediately, something I have never done. The books were great and I just hoped that the movie could live up to the hype I had set for it in my head.

It did.

Jennifer Lawrence was the perfect Katniss Everdeen. She exuded the strength and cold-blooded nature of the character in the book, although I will say movie Katniss was slightly less badass than book Katniss. Overall, the movie took the edge off a lot of what happened in the book, and some of the relationships in the movie lacked the depth of those in the book, but there’s only so much you can fit into a film, and this was almost two and a half hours.

Although it didn’t follow the book’s plot completely (and really, people who complain about movies not slavishly following books are fucking assholes), the changes they made worked.

The most touching scene in the movie was when the kids in her home city gave her the silent salute after she volunteered to enter the arena for her sister. It gave me goosebumps, real talk.

I don’t have much else to add to what you’ve probably already read.

Dope movie totally worth seeing. And it didn’t have talking bears and magic animals and shit. Just Lord of the Flies-esque killing. What’s not to like?

The Hunger Games (21/50 Movies)

When seeing the adaptation of a popular book on the big screen, particularly a popular book you read, as much as you don't want it to be there, there is always going to be that give-and-take in the back of your head, the subconscious checklist of what the movie left in and left out. In 50 years when the future generations of English teachers start putting this book on the syllabus, students might do okay if they decide to be lazy and seek out the movie (unlike the curveball teachers throw when they assign The Natural). There is, of course, the argument that the film and the book represent separate mediums and thus should be divorced from each other. I get it, but I find it hard to do. So I will say this: I think the movie is both good as an A) adaptation and a B) movie in and of itself though it's hard to say if certain aspects of the book that went by the wayside due to time constraints will become a bigger part of the story in the next two installments. Judging by how much money this thing seems to be making, it is inevitable that the sequels will be made.  It will be interesting to see what details might come back, if at all. There are a few small additions here that I actually enjoyed too, particularly one in the end. This is a pretty streamlined effort with some power to it although movie makers who are not Paul Greengrass (okay not Paul Greengrass making the Bourne films) need to go to some action movie bootcamp to learn how to film fight scenes as the scenes in the arena get so frenetic it was hard to tell what was going on. For the most part, I liked the casting. I was probably most worried about the how the scenes would be played at the Capitol, but overall I didn't find them too cheesy or distracting. People say we get the science fiction that reflects the time we live in.  If that's true, judging by this, that's pretty chilling.

-K

Perfunctory, Half-Formed Opinions on Movies and Books

OK OK OK. So it’s been awhile since I last blogged. In the interest of being a more regular contributor, or rather, a contributor at all, K-Diddy and me (or is it I), P-Phunk (aka Based Child aka The White Falcon aka Pusha P aka P Dilla aka The PZA aka The White Pterodactyl aka The Human Philosoraptor) have decided to embark on  the 25/50 challenge. This is a variation of the 50/50 Challenge, something on Facebook that calls on people to read 50 books and see 50 movies this year. Well, me and K-Dawg decided to twist it to our own needs and made it the 25/50 challenge. I hardly ever read, and when I do I am slow, so there’s no way I’m reading 50 books in a year. I don’t think I’ve read 50 in my life. Movies I can handle. But I’m going to review movies I have already seen, because I am lazy, whereas K-Dawg will not. Largely because he is a 1-Upper.

I will be keeping an Excel spreadsheet of everything, so you know this is some serious shit.

Before getting to my reviews, what’s with the holier-than-thou attitude of some people who read a lot? Oh, you read, please go on about how intelligent you are. Oh, you don’t own a TV, you must be so much more cultured than the rest of us. Please tell me more!

Well, hopefully I end up just like them. I can move to Portland, shop at Whole Foods, complain about Republicans and tell everyone I only eat organic food. Consider this a first step in that direction. Without further ado, here are P-Phunk’s book and movie reviews, all 120 words or less, for your pleasure! Enjoy!

The Grey

I actually wanted to see Haywire, but the shitass movie theaters up here of course didn’t carry it. You know, since we’re 90 miles from Hollywood and all. That would be far too much to ask. Desperate to get out of the house, I decide to see this, despite not caring about dogs or mountains particularly. Anyway, I enjoyed it. It was darker than I thought it would be, PLUS it had a wicked awesome plane crash scene…er…if you’re into that sort of thing. Remember, I was the guy who was disappointed when I found out Faces of Death was fake.

Contraband

I went into this with high hopes since it was Marky Mark and a heist, how could you go wrong? Well, although it wasn’t awful, it was really slow. I am not that critical of a movie watcher, but even for me it lagged. For a movie that took itself so seriously, some parts strained credulity. It would be worth seeing on DVD, but not forking over your hard-earned dollars at the cinema. But yea, I did. I really wanted to see Haywire, but of course it wasn’t playing, and I needed some excuse to get out of the house.  

War Horse

This movie was aaaaaaaiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhtttttt. I’ve never been a horse or animal person, so I’m never going to care as much about a horse as I am the millions of people who died in World War I. Not that I want to see horses killed by mechanical warfare, I’m just saying it’s never going to connect with me. I’m sure a lot of squirrels died in World War I and nobody’s made a movie about them. Why do horses get such exalted status?

Mission Impossible 3

Not much to say on this one. It’s the brainless action movie I have gotten into over the last year or so. It meets your expectations, no more, no less, and I’m just fine with that.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

I actually saw the Swedish version with Spanish subtitles a couple of years ago when I was living in Spain (yes, I am better than you). I didn’t think the American version could match its brutality, but my homeboy David Fincher came correct. Rooney Mara did a great job inhabiting the role and Daniel Craig always puts in a good effort. I did think it weird that they sort of spoke with Scandinavian accents. Well, some of them did and some of them didn’t. And some began the movie with the accent and then lost it. Which made it weirder.

The Artist

I got around to seeing The Artist a bit late, thanks once again to the shitass cinemas here 90 miles from Hollywood. BECAUSE GOD FORBID YOU GET MILDLY ARTY MOVIES SO CLOSE TO LA. I think some of the critical praise is excessive. This is a nice novelty movie but nothing really, really amazing. Although I admit the lead guy, Jean Dujardin, was pretty brilliant. And I think I fell in love with the female lead, Berenice Bejo, as I am wont to do with French –Argentine girls. Then again, who couldn’t fall in love with them?

Book reviews! Or, Yes!, I Do Actually Read!

The Hunger Games

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. It’s a book for 13 year-old-girls. But I saw the trailer for the movie and it looked pretty ill and I have no friends where I live so I needed something to pass the time. ANYWAY, the book is super tightly well-written and a fun read. You can tell it’s a bit of a chicklit book because there’s like 30 pages devoted to the girl’s clothes and wardrobe staff. It was tough to get through that, but let’s face it, 33 year-old dudes weren’t what she was after. Irregardless, it was a fun read and I’m pretty psyched to see the movie.

Catching Fire (Book 2 of the Hunger Games)

We’re back to seeing our intrepid heroine rage against the machine. It’s wack in that it repeats some of the same elements of the first book, but I still really liked it. Kind of like in Star Wars when they were writing Return of the Jedi and were like, “Let’s do the Death Star again!” It’s not terribly original, but it is good. Except for the Ewoks, but I didn’t think they were all that bad when I was a kid. Anyway, although there was too much talk once again in the book about dresses and shit, it’s still good.

The Professor and the Madman

This was an ill book. It’s about this schizo American guy who killed some random dude in London and then got locked away with those insane asylum cats. But he was hella smart and when those intellectual cats started to write the Oxford English Dictionary, he made literally thousands of contributions. I am a bit of a etymology and history dork, so this book was right up my alley. Although, it was a bit shocking when, out of nowhere, there’s 10 pages devoted to the American guy cutting his dick off. I’m not kidding.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! Expect more literary and insightful reviews as the project moves forward. As always, it’s been a pleasure, and the pleasure’s all yours.