Friday, June 1, 2012

Boring Book Reviews Interspersed with Random Bouts of Profanity

Yo yo yo! This is your boy Perspicacious P, aka the Vanilla Thrilla aka the Ghetto Marv Albert. It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote, but there are no vacations in the hustla game, ya heard? Despite the lack of benefits in the hustla game (I think it’s time we talked about forming a union, the health benefits are also shit), I have been able to watch some movies and read some books. Today, I’m ready to share my opinions with you because I am a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON WHO SAYS VERY IMPORTANT THINGS.

Never mind the bollocks, LET’S REVIEW, MUTHAFUCKAS!

Sailing from Byzantium (Book 11 of 25) 


OK I’m a little out of order here. I actually read this before Fifty Shades of Grey, but I was so fucking excited to tell the whole world my thoughts of Fifty Shades of Grey that I just skipped this little tome. Incredibly, this book had nothing about ‘just-fucked hair’, did not have the word ‘impassive’ and there was no talk of an ‘inner goddess’.

Needless to say, it was awesome.

I would talk about the book more, but it’s the history of how the Byzantine Empire spread its culture around the world just before it collapsed. Since my readers are all Americans, they a) don’t know/care about history and b) don’t even know what the Byzantine Empire is.

Stay ignorant, America!  

The Secret Life of Words (Book 13 of 25)

This was a book about the history of the English language. Did you know that there is a word for the study of the origin of words? No, the word is not ‘dorky shit’, it’s ETYMOLOGY! See! You learned a new word.

ANYWAY, I am fascinated with the history of English. I had this dictionary when I was a kid and at the beginning of each letter it had a couple of pages on the history of that letter and it fascinated the fuck out of me. I also read the encyclopedia for fun as a kid and my family made fun of me for it. My mom always tried to get me to read fiction, but I wasn’t having any of that shit. Just the straight up facts.

Oh, and this book was pretty good. Not that you care. You’re American and you hate history and anything intellectual, so I’ll stop right here.

Ender’s Game (Book 14 of 25)

This is considered by many to be one of the great works of modern science fiction. It’s about this kid who is a super genius and his training to become a great military leader before a supposed alien invasion. After my etymology book (there’s that word again-CALLBACK!), it was nice to read some fiction. Ender’s Game didn’t blow me away or anything, but it certainly kept my interest. Apparently people who write Amazon reviews said this book changed their lives. There has been no such change in my life, unless you count a recent bowling injury that resulted in me having to go to the doctor (true story). And that’s not the kind of change I like.

Enough about bowling injuries, back to the book. I didn’t like that the kid was six years old but spoke and acted like a 35 year old. I didn’t like that he was treated like a piece of shit by every single person he came across to the point of absurdity. But if you suspend disbelief (shouldn’t it be ‘suspend belief’? Is the word ‘disbelief’ used in any other context?...well, I just looked up ‘disbelief’ and the phrase is technically correct, but I technically don’t like it), it’s a fun book. 

OK that is all for now, we're keeping this short and sweet. There will be more entries from me, your favorite blogger, soon. Until then, enjoy pondering your own mortality and wasted youth as you drift into middle age scared, alone and regretful of all the choices you have made in life. 

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